Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows...

Current Mood : Better

The big MH doll reveal at SDCC today was… Catty Noir, a doll that’s been well known and well-discussed for several months now. I could probably make a decent facsimile of her issue dress without seeing any new images of it first. Like the rest of my day, it was quite anticlimactic.

After a sleepless night and several pages of bust-beating journaling (if you think I’m drama nobility here, you should read what I reserve for my private writings !) while everyone else slept, I managed to separate and refine most of my issues and how some had nothing to do with the situation, and others were, literally, everything. Without getting too much into it, my greatest concern is that we’re once again sacrificing our hopes/ dreams/ intents to save someone else from responsibility. But the cold hard fact is, we stand a better chance of making those dreams by delaying them for a little while now. Also, with all the health concerns in the mix (mine, Dearest Son’s, and M & FILs), we’re gonna end up at the same place eventually – do we want to control how it happens, or wait for the inevitable crash and have to deal with a frantic mess on top of everything else ?

We made a list of everything that needs to be replaced or repaired for a family of five to live in that house and Garpartment, and Beloved Hubby estimates that it’d take a year of time and earnings and effort to make them happen. For my usual sunshiny demeanor, I’m a dyed-in-the-wool cynic, so any home improvement estimate I hear, I automatically double. I also took a personal inventory, and listed everything my journals complained about when we lived there last year, and when they lived with us for a few months years ago. Hopefully I learned from those days, and can better affect communication when the inevitable stresses get verbal.

To the plus side, this will be one move that doesn’t require me to ditch half of everything I own. There’s enough room for all of us to keep what we have, but I don’t need to amass more. If the house really will become ours, there’s even a built-in wall unit that’ll be perfect for my dolls. So I have some advantages, but it’s really hard to turn away from independence. I’m really going to miss it….

But this may be my biggest challenge yet. Give me a week or three to adjust. Then bring it !