Thursday, May 31, 2012

How it started to get better...

In what has to be one of my least-intelligent financial arrangements, today I bought back a doll I gave to Dearest Son, for two bucks. He’s destroyed several others, and I hated to see this one get wrecked – although he’s identical to a doll I already have. But he’s mine again, and once I cut his boots off (how’d I get those on, anyway ?), I intend to get him cleaned up, redressed, and reintroduced to his twin. Once again, I have both Kenner Han Solo and Indiana Jones dolls. It’s gonna be fun fitting this wide-legged dude on the doll shelf !

What’s funny is, I bought ‘Indy’ thinking he was a Han Solo doll, wearing Han’s black vest and nothing else, at a yard sale, in the jumble of a Barbie herd with one other Ken. I thought it’d be funny to have two vintage Hans, and the dollar price was certainly right ! Of course, this was back in my ‘not enough guys for the 150+ girl dolls I have’ days. It wasn’t until I noticed they had different eye colors and different dates and trademarks on their backstamps that I clued in to what I really had. When I had one of my more ruthless doll culls, poor Indy had to go, but Dearest chose him out of the box, with several others, to play with. I’m really glad he did.

Got to the Library yesterday, as you probably read (grin). Their Wi-Fi is every bit as good and fast as McDs, with a lot less noise and more comfortable chairs, too ! And I didn’t have to watch an ad to use it. By 7pm, about half the chairs parked in front of the Library’s computers were vacant, something I’ve never seen in the mornings and afternoons I’ve been there. In our PreviousTown, their Library’s terminals are never without users ! Ya gotta sign up or make reservations for two-hour blocks. I wonder if Wednesday is a slow day for them.

The last book I requested, This is How, by Augusten Burroughs, was waiting for me, and I snagged it. While it’s really basic information, most of which I learned the hard way years ago, it’s nice to read and apply it to our current situation, and agree with him. I confess, I thought most of his previous works were long, drawn-out love letters to himself (Running With Scissors was an enjoyable read until he got to his love life, after that, it got too self-congratulatory for my tastes), but I really am enjoying this one.

And I came to an important conclusion today, which has led to a vastly improved mood, even though the situation hasn’t changed one whit. Fact is, FIL has done us wrong. He’s done his wife worse. But here’s the big thing – we’re doing about the worst thing we could possibly do to him. We’re saying ‘this far and no further’, and we’re walking away. He’s not used to that. He probably fully expects us to stay and take care of everything for him, because if we don’t, we’re selfish and mean. And after all he did for us ! (tsk, tsk !)

Well, that’s fine. The cheapest way to pay is money. He’s actually paying for this mess in relationships. Even if MIL returns to him when/if he comes back, their marriage won’t be the same, ever. Any respect or positive feelings I had for him are burned off, the ashes desecrated, then dried out and burned again, and he will never get those back from me, ever. And I’m not even gonna describe what this has done to Beloved Hubby and, to a slightly lesser degree, Dearest Son. FIL’s lost a lot more than he’ll possibly ever recognize, and this came from of his own bad decisions. All because he didn’t want to pay his own bills. Pretty pathetic, if you ask me.

I don’t need revenge. I don’t even need restitution. FIL has already hurt himself far worse than I ever could. I wonder if he’ll ever realize that.

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