Well, ain’t
we lucky ? The Doomsday Event Horizon will dawn bright and early tomorrow, so I
may as well tell ya’ll what’s going on. It’s still gonna be sketchy, since most
of it’s not my story, but it does affect us, and I’ll try to stick to the facts
and let you draw your own opinions. Ready ? This all starts several months ago,
when BIL moved out to be with his online girlfriend and her two teenagers from
a previous relationship…
They got
pregnant immediately, but she has just as many health concerns as me (if not
more), and unfortunately, the baby was born three months prematurely, weighing
under a pound. A stressful and difficult time for all involved. BIL’s
girlfriend is, of course, permanently at the hospital with the baby while she’s
in intensive neonatal care, and BIL and the teens remain at home. BIL is having
trouble with the kids and working, so he asked FIL to come help. During all
this, MIL and FIL have been falling in love with BIL’s new family, and have been
increasingly impatient with Dearest Son, to the point of shunning and ignoring him, and being short with us as well. Dearest acts out when the dog gets more praise and attention for breathing than he
does for helping clean the bathroom, which leads FIL to ramp up his previous
actions. This is why we’ve been trying to move out of here ourselves, before
things get any worse. Dearest, by choice, has been avoiding his grandparents
unless we’re nearby for the last two months.
Well, I guess
it won’t be an issue much longer. FIL is leaving for BIL’s tomorrow. Leaving
MIL behind until July. We were informed Tuesday. While we were planning on moving out at month’s end. I
have no idea what MIL’s prescription schedule is, if she'll need any refills any time soon, what pharmacy they use, if she has any upcoming doctor’s appointments, how
the house bills are gonna get paid, what the house bills even are, and, if we
do move out, how we’re gonna manage two homes. When Beloved Hubby expressed his
concerns, FIL flew at him, and we still don’t know the answers to any of that. Rather
than deal with us like adults, FIL ended up saying something really regrettable
(and acting it out violently) to Dearest Son yesterday, and then acting like
nothing happened when we discovered Dearest almost rigid with tears and fear.
We’d been gone for seven minutes to pick up a pizza. And FIL pulled this crap.
I had to go for a walk to keep from doing anything even worse over it. Today, I
found out that he’s going to meet some Facebook friends in another state and
going to a writer’s seminar while he’s helping BIL.
I realize all
that may sound like a tempest in a teapot. But MIL has pretty much become a
bedroom hermit, and it’s nearly impossible to engage her. She even asked FIL
not to go, but what she wants doesn’t matter, I guess. I don’t even know if she
knows her prescription schedule. Her 24*7 care has been suddenly dropped in our
laps, and we still don’t know what she needs – it’s not like she’s a stray cat
or something ! We can’t afford MIL’s prescriptions or the upkeep on this place
if FIL takes the checkbook with him…how can anyone be so…
Well, that’s
not the point. Point is, Beloved is pretty much torn up during Finals, I am beyond
furious, and Beloved’s having second thoughts about moving out. I can’t help
but think if we don’t, I’m gonna die here. The only way I can stay here and be
sane is if I get carte blanche to clean *everything* while FIL’s gone. We did as best we could shortly after we moved here – with much snark from FIL and it’s all gone back to crap again. I
can tell ya’ll that we don’t have near enough money, tax return or not, to pay
the mortgage when it’s waaay more than the rental place we’re trying to get. Do
we stay and be miserable, or do we take care of us and hope for the best ?
Frankly, Beloved’s kinda scared FIL won’t return, and I don’t even want to
think about that. MIL will always have a place with us, but it may not be their
house anymore. I honestly don’t know.
So, with all
this going on, you can see I haven’t been able to concentrate on frivolities
like dolls and sewing, except in a desperate grasp to maintain me in the middle of a tornado. I know FIL probably needs a break, but is going away for nearly
two months the best way to accomplish that ? All this could have been handled
so much better with very little extra effort. In the end, I feel like FIL is
running out on us all, and just doesn’t care. And it’s just taken for granted we’ll put our
lives on hold to take care of everything for him.
Maybe I’m the
selfish one. But I’d never do this to Beloved unless I’m dying.
Oh man girl!!! I am so sorry to hear about all this. What a heavy load you all are being thrust into! Please know that you, Beloved and Dearest will be in my thoughts! HUGS from NY!
ReplyDeleteDeborah
Wow Dorrie, I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. It sounds like there's a no perfect solution out of this and FIL is running out leaving you guys holding the bag. I really hope things work out for the best, I'll keep everyone in my prayers too.
ReplyDeleteEddie
wow, just wow. sending some good vibes your way. I really hope things get sorted out soon! we're here for ya whenever you need us!
ReplyDeleteDorrie, I am so, so sorry you have all of that heaped onto you right now! Family stuff is always complicated, multi-layered and so damned messy that it's a wonder many people stay sane at all.
ReplyDeleteI do hope that things work out for the best for you and your family, and that your father in law gets his head out of his...um..rear. (must remind myself to be polite sometimes)It's incredible how family can be sometimes (and for some, all the time)
Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and even Jason says to give you his well wishes as well.
That so sounds like something my dad would do. My dad is a great guy, but sometimes his mentality is "the world according to his rules". You and your honey need to protect yourself and come up with a plan A, B, C, and heck even D for every possible outcome. If hubby gets a sinking feeling dad won't come back, don't push that under the rug. Listen to gut feelings and just plan accordingly. You may have to really face the fact you might have to give up the house if things get dire.
ReplyDeleteI don't see why he'd have to leave for 2 months and not give you guys a plan to go by until he gets back. So irresponsible and so disrespectful. I don't care a flip that he's letting you guys stay there, he still needs to give you common respect. Basically, just worry about you and your family. If you have to arrange for mom to move with you, so be it, but don't put your plans on hold and stay miserable in an open-ended situation instead of moving on with your plans. It's great he is going to help out and get some him time, but he needs to realize he has a responsibility to his wife to be there for her and he can't run off like a child and claim freedom.
Like I said, without getting into to much crappy detail, sounds a lot like some crap my dad would pull, and it sucks to have to be on your toes wondering if we should plan to sell the house or wait it out. Don't do that to yourself. Like I said, get some plans in store, just in case. Just my two copper cents hon, do with them what you'd like.
Oh, Dorrie, I'm just sick over this mess on your behalf! I hate it when awful things happen to good people, and jeez, what a selfish *ahem* person your FIL is!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with what Chelle said. Make plans to protect yourself and your family, and don't let him force you into limbo insanity. If he takes the checkbook with him, that doesn't make it your job to pay his mortgage! You can't let your life and plans fall apart so he can run off and find himself, or whatever's going on in his mind.
Of course you want to help take care of your MIL, but if that's what it's going to be, you have to be able to do it on your terms. If he comes back from his "vacation," and his house and family aren't there to welcome him back, well, whose fault is that?
I know that good hearted people with consciences face a lot of guilt making decisions like these-- you don't want to make irreparable choices, etc. Just remember, you're not doing this to him, he's done it to himself. And with the way he's been treating you guys, it doesn't sound like there's anything left to ruin anyway.
Good luck with everything, sweetie. You guys are in my thoughts big time.
Dorrie I'm so sorry! Family stuff is always hard to deal with, and like-wise, I'm going through some annoying family trouble right now! I hope everything will be able to work out for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, oh dear... FIL needs his head examined. All well and good that he wants to help out your BIL, but I can't get over his being ready to just abandon his wife like that! Sounds like he needs a good old fashioned boot to the butt.
ReplyDeleteHis choice to dump all this on you guys is baffling and regrettable, but I hope you guys (and especially the kiddo) know it's not your fault! All you can do is the best that you can.
Good luck with all this, I wish I could help. :(
Dorrie, you have to do what's best for you and yours. Your FIL is sounding like the most selfish and unstable person. If you guys take your MIL if and when he leaves that's no easy task. His house is not your responsibility.
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best in this situation but don't let it stress your world. I will send positive prayers your way. Take care of yourself, DH, & DS.